There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.
A True mother accepts her own faults, loves unconditionally, gets up no matter how many times she falls and will fight for her child until judgement day! ~ Susana M.
For our beautiful daughters Ashley and Mina Cloutier.
•*¨*•♫♪ HAPPY♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ NEW YEAR ♪♫*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪2010 ♥ ♥ ♥HAPPY ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪NEW YEAR ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥2010 ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪...WISHING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY A HAPPY NEW YEAR¸.•*¨*•♫FELIZ ANO NUEVO Para ti y Su Familia ♪♫*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
" i LOVE YOU, i LOVE YOU TOO. " MOMMY NEVER FORGETS HER ASHLEY
To truly love is to NEVER FORGET THOSE TAKEN FROM YOU! You remember them at any cost.
So, for Ashley and Mina This is the only legal way we can remember you without your adoptive parents taking us back to court and slapping us with another order of protection.
I recently encountered an awkward moment that inspired this poem. I was told that I was a horrible mother for giving up my girls to a "false open" adoption more than 7 yrs ago.
This was a hard time in my life and that was one of the hardest descisions to make as a mother who loves her children. I don't wish it on anyone.
I was also told that I was a person who should never be allowed to be around children.
And although a part of me was wanting to cry, I didn't. I know that as a mom we all are forced to make choices we hate. It is those of us that have the strength to make the right ones that are the true mothers.
They say the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. I am a firm believer in that. Many of you don't know my story or have recently come back into my life. So, for many, it is a hard thing to explain.
It took someone selfishly ridiculing my 7 yr old son who has a mood disorder and Sensory Integration Dysfunction for me to take a moment to reflect on life. It takes a cold hearted person to put down a child of special issues. It takes even more nerve for them to label them as psychotic kids who will grow up to be a serial killer who eats their victims.
I don't think I thought it was humanly possible for anyone to pass such a horrific judgement on anyone's child. None the less, they are not true friends and I consider the source. I let it go. I prayed on this very hard.
Although, we may need to forgive, this will never be forgotten. We don't choose our children or our parents. As mothers we wish we could wave this magic wand to fix all faults and issues. But, we can't. We can only have faith in ourselves, our children and what our own mothers taught us.
After losing my own mother and sister to Domestic Violence, I have seen life in a whole new light. I am not easily swayed and I do still try to believe in second chances. Thus, this keeps getting me into a jam. I still try to befriend everyone as the Lord wants us to love each other. But, it doesn't work.
Thus, I turned to my true friends and family whom have been blessed with the knowledge of my son's sincerity, love and sweetness. It is those people who truly amaze me. For it takes amazing people to open their hearts to all children regardless of disabilities and treat them with kindness.
As I reflected on the story in the bible of the True mother in A famous account of Solomon's wisdom is found in 1 Kings 3:16-28. It is an interesting story that all mothers should take the time to read. At any rate, I believe I am a true mother. And so, I leave you with my latest poem.
God Bless Susana M.
The True Mother
A True mother accepts her own faults. For without faults, how will she learn to grow?
A true mother accepts all imperfections. For without the imperfections how can we learn, to accept?
A true mother will believe in you against all the odds. For without belief, how do we teach our child faith?
A true mother will sacrifice without question. She will fall and keep getting up.
She will cry her tears of pain. Yet, she will rejoice for the Lord has kept her sane.
She will feel your anguish and pain. She will share your joy and success.
She will love unconditionally, girl or boy. Love is what she does best.
She will rejoice in your achievements and praise regardless of your mistakes.
She will give her whole life for you, whatever it takes.
She will embrace every moment of childhood given.
She will grieve every moment of those lost.
She will always remember the sacrifices she makes at any cost.
A true mother will love all her children regardless of where life takes them.
True mothers sometimes make the choices that will break her heart and feel as though their soul has been ripped.
But, deep down inside, remembering the rewards of being unselfish and true.
It is the mother whose heart is true, that will embrace the pain of sacrificing her own happiness for well being of her child.
She is always praying, that they will feel her love from a far.
Praying that those moments she embraced will soon not be forgotten.
A true mother will spend everyday hoping that the child whose very life grew inside her and closest to her heart, will remember the love that came first from their " TRUE mother."
She will pray her voice being first heard, is still there in her child's mind.
She will always be true and a remarkable kind.
True mothers are blessed with the choice to do right or do wrong?
It is those who do right that are never forgotten all along.
So, for those who question, choices that a true mother makes.
Special greetings and pictures for Ashley and Mina in the greetings section look at bottom of site.
Always feel free to leave them a message. They will see them one day if they haven't already. IT is all about faith.
God Bless Susana
"Only a True mother could love her child enough to act with an unselfish heart! "~Susana
Finest Hour is from an old fave of mine "Teen Witch" a girl who learns to believe in herself and have her own will power to do as she pleases.
It is a good movie. I hope my girls will believe in themselves and all they can do in life."
"A poem to my growing girls Ashley Marie and Mina ToniMykela Cloutier" Years, have passed since we've last spoken Time goes on and my heart grows stronger. Mothers never lose the love for their children.
We are bonded forever until the end. I never stop thinking, never stop believing and never stop praying for you both.
For all the time lost, there is so much yet to gain. For all the missed moments there will be time for new memories to be made.
For all the tears we have all cried in pain, there will be many more tears but, of joy. Joy and rejoicing for the day we again meet.
Then the smiles and laughter of all the moments to catch up on. For all the lies that ones have told, there will be painful truths to be heard. For all the sorrow there will be tomorrows. The Lord always hold close those dear to our hearts and souls. So live my sweet girls. Live life full, live life proud, live as much as you can. Love and laugh and remember there will come a day where the Lord will bring us all together again. Never miss a moment. Enjoy the simple wonders and pleasures of the world.
Sing as though you have never sang before. Rejoice! I will always be singing with you in my heart.
Thank you to Maurie (the girls first foster mother) and a true friend even til this day. You have been such a blessing.
Thank you for all the pictures you find. Thank you for believing in me always and helping me to hold on to that hope of one day hugging my babies again.
Please continue to pray for Ashley and Mina's great grandmother Maximina. The Lord has blessed us with another holiday season together. And a New Year! God is truly aweosme!
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?"
Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake." "Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!" To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves.
But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. If you like this, send this on to the people you really care about. I did. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance
"Solomon's wisdom "
In 1 Kings 3:5-14, God visits the newly crowned King Solomon in a dream, and offers him anything he pleases.
Solomon asks for
"an understanding heart to judge Your people, to discern between good and evil -
for who is able to judge this great people of Yours?"
Pleased with his non-materialistic wish,
God tells him that not only will he receive a greater intellect than any other man
who will ever live, but also great wealth, along with widespread fame and respect,
"which thou hast not asked, both riches and honour: so that there shall not be any
among the kings like unto thee all thy days".
A famous account of Solomon's wisdom is found in 1 Kings 3:16-28.
Two "harlots" approach Solomon,
bringing with them a single baby boy.
Each mother presents the same story - She and the other woman live together.
One night, soon after the birth of their respective children,
the other woman woke to find that she had smothered her own baby in her sleep.
In anguish and jealousy, she took her dead son and exchanged it with the other's child.
The following morning, the woman discovered the dead baby,
and soon realized that it was not her own son, but the other's.
After some deliberation, King Solomon called for a sword to be brought before him.
He declared that there is only one fair solution: the live son must be split in two, each woman receiving half of the child.
Upon hearing this terrible verdict, the boy's true mother cried out,
"Please, My Lord,
give her the live child
- do not kill him!
"true mother's
instincts were to protect her child,
while the liar revealed that her only motivation was jealousy.
However, the liar, in her bitter jealousy, exclaimed, "It shall be neither mine nor yours - divide it!'
Solomon instantly gave
the baby to the real mother, realising that the true mother's instincts were to protect her child,
while the liar revealed that her only motivation was jealousy.
I believe that in the end of all this, G*d will bring our girls back to us.
We were not the LIARS ! We acted unsefishly with a pure heart.
I don't have a guilty conscious. I was tricked into believing these people were good and had good intentions.
THEY LIED! G*d Will punish them in the end.
Although a childhood is a huge sacrifice, it is nothing compared to a whole lifetime.
In November 2004, Christian requested to send a simple
Thanksgiving day card for his sisters. He was nearly 6 years old.
He picked it out.
He paid for it and wrote it out himself.
He begged me to send it for him.
I simply addressed it and then mailed it.
Well, one day about a week later, I got my mail. There was an envelope addressed to Christian. I knew I recognized the writing.
However, I thought that maybe it was a nice letter in return for his card.
I was way wrong again!
It was sent back to him in an envelope written by the "Adoptive Mother" with a nasty note.
Yes, it led to the immature selfish letter written harshly to a six year old child.
This was done by the adoptive mother!
But, these are supposed to be the people that love our girls? Hello, get a clue?
I don't think they care much about a child's well being unless they have something to gain.
Anyone, that truly cared for children, would never send something so, wrong to a 6 year old child.
Yet, I kept this letter, I waited for court to be over and now have posted it on this site.
If nothing else, for the satisfaction of knowing that one day, these girls will know.
And Christian still keeps his thanksgiving card unopened. He helps me with the upkeep of this site. He hopes that one day, he will give it to his sisters in person.
(in court January 2007,the adoptive father had no response for this) He simply said, "My wife said something came in the mail and she sent it back."
Well, guess what Mister Adoptive father, that stunt now has my son in counseling.
So, I now have my own legal documentation that your false promises to my child has scarred him for life and has caused him emotional distress that still affects him six years later.
He still wants to know why?
Why would someone promise me I could see my sisters and then never let me even send a card or a letter. They are my sisters.
And you two had the nerve and audascity to send James and myself to Order of Protection Court. Honestly, who does that seriously?
We have never made any attempt to hurt our girls. We sacrificed our own love and desires to have them so that they could be with you.
We made this decision with unselfish hearts and with your word that our kids can still have a relationship together. I pray everyday, that you will be exposed for the liars you are.
And when that fine day comes, I will rejoice and be glad. I hope it is all over the news and that you get any legal ramifications that there are.
One day, you will have to be held accountable for your actions. You waited and then preyed on my weakness. I loved my girls too much. I didn't want them to suffer.
As, we all know you are not the saints the LCFS made you out to be.
So, keep that in mind as we count down the days to our daughter's legal ages.
And I pray to the Lord, that you are being good to them as promised.
I pray that you haven't harmed them in any way shape or form. I assure you that our family never forgets.
The more years go by,the more united we are. You didn't break us.
No photos, writings, graphics or documents are to be photocopied, printed or duplicated in anyway, shape or form.
tHANK YOU TO tINA tOMKIN AND MY MYSPACE AND ANGELFAMILY FRIENDS FOR ALL THE BEAUTIFUL GRAPHICS.
I'll never die as long as I live within your memory, so shed no tears and leave a Rose in rememberance of me. For All our family angels that are now watching Ashley and Mina from heaven.
Welcome to Ashley Marie and Mina Tonia Mykela Cloutier's Site!
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Feliz Navidad y un prospero Ano Nuevo / Susana ReganCloutier (True mother )
My Sweet girls, Puerto Ricans celebrate Christmas until January 6th. That is 3 kings day.
Happy Birthday / Jamie Cloutier (Father)
Happy Birthday Ashley. One day you may see this, so just remember that I think of you and your sister every day. Miss you both, and I hope your birthday was awesome. :)
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY ASHLEY! / CINDI DANA REGANS MOM (FRIEND)
MANY BIRTHDAYS WE HAVE MISSED BUT SOMEDAY WE WILL BE ABLE TO KISS YOU AGAIN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I NO MOM IS WAITING TO DO THAT BUT FOR NOW JUST NO THAT WE ARE ALL THINKING OF YOU AND HOPING YOU ARE HAVING A BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY....HUGS
HAPPY SWEET 16TH BIRTHDAY ASHLEY / Mommy Cloutier (True Mommy )
You are always and forever in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I never forget. I am so sorry, I wont be there to see you turn 16 today @ 2:05 am. But, I will be lighting a candle and we will have a private celebration in your honor. I hope life treats...
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Happy Labor Day / Mommy "Susana" Cloutier (True Mommy )
We never forget you dearest ones. Always and forever in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. Have a happy and blessed Labor day. Love Mommy.Daddy, Chris, Gabi, Abuelita, Nico,Charlie, Snoopy, Sassy.
CloutieR FAMILY
tHANK YOU TO tINA tOMKIN AND MY MYSPACE AND ANGELFAMILY FRIENDS FOR ALL THE BEAUTIFUL GRAPHICS.
I'll never die as long as I live within your memory, so shed no tears and leave a Rose in rememberance of me. 
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