Ashley Marie And Mina Tonia Mykela Cloutier Life Story & Family History

SLIDESHOW WAS UPDATED ON 8/24/2010
and will continue through end of August.
I hope they see some of it.

Happy 17th Birthday Ashely !
Feliz Cumpleanos!
We love you and miss you!
Love Mommy Chris and Gabi and Daddy

" The Lord showed me just how much you can't trust family this year.
I am sorry girls.

I spent so many years trusting the wrong people.
If I had only known sooner, so many things would have been different. "

However, the liar, in her bitter jealousy, exclaimed,
"It shall be neither mine nor yours - divide it!'

Solomon instantly gave

the baby to the real mother,
realising that the true mother's
instincts were to protect her child,

while the liar revealed that
her only motivation was jealousy.

I thank you Michelle, I never
forget the meaning of this biblical story.

Welcome to Ashley Marie
and

Mina Tonia Mykela Cloutier's Site!

This site has been updated to show the whole story of Ashley and Mina and our DCFS story.

Please read all the way down to get the whole story.

This site is for the Reganfamily
as well as the brothers to

Ashley and Mina only!
and friends who have given undying love and support regarding our loss of Ashley and Mina.

Our prayers are that they will one day some how see and read.

And maybe one day will forgive us and know that we never forget. And this truly was the only way to keep my promise to write them. This was the way I found that legally let me stay in touch.

I love you Ashley and Mina.
Love Mommy Susan M. Regan-Cloutier

I apologize to those whom have to suffer the consequences of my having to preapprove all content. However, the Paternal grandmother has decided to use this page to be malicious to me and I am not allowing such selfish and childish actions on this site again.

I have to do this now to protect my son and so that nothing will get put on here that shouldn't be on here.

Just follow the right side and type captcha and greetings will be approved by me daily. thanks

Here is an updated slide of us and our boys for our stalkers. Smoochies to our true family and friends.

"Solomon's wisdom "

In 1 Kings 3:5-14, God visits the newly crowned
King Solomon in a dream, and offers him
anything he pleases.

Solomon asks for

"an understanding heart to judge
Your people, to discern between good and evil -

for who is able to judge this great people of Yours?"

Pleased with his non-materialistic wish,

God tells him that not only will he receive a
greater intellect than any other man

who will ever live, but also great wealth,
along with widespread fame and respect,

"which thou hast not asked, both riches and honour:
so that there shall not be any

among the kings like unto thee all thy days".

A famous account of Solomon's wisdom
is found in 1 Kings 3:16-28.

Two "harlots"
approach Solomon,

bringing with them a single baby boy.

Each mother presents the same story -
She and the other woman live together.

One night, soon after
the birth of their respective children,

the other woman
woke to find that she had smothered
her own baby in her sleep.

In anguish and jealousy,
she took her dead son and
exchanged it with the other's child.

The following morning,
the woman discovered the dead baby,

and soon realized that it was not her own son, but the other's.

After some deliberation,
King Solomon called for a sword to be brought before him.

He declared that there is only one fair solution:
the live son must be split in two,
each woman receiving half of the child.

Upon hearing this terrible verdict,
the boy's true mother cried out,

"Please, My Lord,

give her the live child

- do not kill him!

"true mother's

instincts were to protect her child,

while the liar revealed that her only
motivation was jealousy.

•*¨*•♫♪ HAPPY♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ NEW YEAR ♪♫*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪2010 ♥ ♥ ♥HAPPY ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪NEW YEAR ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥2010 ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪...WISHING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY A HAPPY NEW YEAR¸.•*¨*•♫FELIZ ANO NUEVO Para ti y Su Familia ♪♫*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

"There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. "

A True mother accepts her own faults,
loves unconditionally,
gets up no matter how many times she falls
and will fight for her child until judgement day! ~ Susana M.

This candle symbolizes our love and prayers for Ashley and Mina. May the Lord be watching over them everyday. And May he bring them some understanding in the end.

Well, due to the inapropriate postings of a inlaw, I finally got the day I dreaded most with my son.

After finally having to tell my 12 yr old son, the whole story from beginning to end, I decided it was time to post it.

We have no secrets now. Not with our sons, not with the family. So, may as well post the truth. The whole truth.

In August, 1995, Ashley Cloutier was taken from us.
We were accused of burning our child.

We were homeless.

And we had no family support.
We had nothing but, our car and our child.

Our daughter was put into DCFS during what was to be one of many more hotline calls to come.

Ashley went to 3 specialists.
The first one said she was burned or fell on rocks.

The second said he couldn't tell what it was.
The third Dr. Solomon said it was infected bug bites.

This man had 30 page resume and over 60 years experience.
And despite all the evidence.

We still got her back for only a short time.
We had an apt. We had jobs.

But, life and it's temptations led us right back into the system just before we were to get out.

So, we were again fighting to get not just one daughter but, two out of the system.
Mina was born July, 25, 1996.

We were homeless with a newborn baby.
We actually ended up living in our attorney's basement on the south side of Chicago.

Well, as time passed those temptations, got to James and well it was a done deal.

Our girls were taken away.

At first James and I lived in shelters on the south side of Chicago.

It was gross and scary.
The court tried to give me my girls but, to live in a shelter on the floor.

It so wasn't gonna happen.
Honestly, had I done the opposite, maybe they would have been better off,

I loved them too much to put them through that.

So,the girls lived with his mother then, his sister.

This was very short lived.

We then got the accusation of sexual abuse thrown at us.

So, I had to watch my babygirl suffer through needless exams and testing for something that was a result of a family member saying

"She touched her peepee during a diaper change."

Needless to say, that was inaccurate and it wasn't founded.

So, yes, that part we have the paternal part of the family to thank for.

You see years may go by but, we don't forget and I keep all my papers.

But, it didn't take away the emotional damage it had done to myself, my child and her father.

I moved in with my mother and brother in August 1996.

James remained homeless going from one pads shelter to the other. His mother had no desire to help him either. She had the whole family label him as a thief.

There wasn't anything to do but, get a job and get a new apartment.

And of course, parenting classes, counseling, marital, individual.
We did it all.

I traveled on 3 hours worth of buses just to see my girls for one hour a day.

It took 3 hours to get back.
Pregnant and all I did it.
But, for my children it was always worth it.

I was pregnant with Christian.
He was born on December 4th 1997.
Christian remained at home.
He was happy, healthy and untouched by DCFS.

We were at supervised visits during this point. Kindly our then worker Svetlana was nice enough to take us to places like Mc Donald's or the mall. So, in 2000 just a year before my sister died would be the last time Ashley and Mina saw all of us together for an Easter Pic at the mall.

We would take yearly pics with the Easter Bunny and with Santa. This was a tradition since I was a little girl.

However, they LCFS still tried to get him taken away.
The hotline calls kept coming.

On Memorial day May 28, 2001 my baby sister Linda was murdered.

So, needless to say, I was enduring much stress from home and with DCFS.

In November 2001, I had to have an emergency thyroidectomy. I was at work, James and I weren't living together or much less talking at this time.

I got very sick, thought it was asthma. But, I turned out to have an over active thyroid. It was something called Graves disease.
I spent two weeks in the hospital. I got home just before Thanksgiving.

There was even a hotline call the same night, I came home from a two week hospital stay. This was in December 2001.
I had gotten my thyroid taken out.
I had almost died.

This didn't stop DCFS from accusing that Christian was sexually assaulted next. And I looked at the worker, ripped off my bandage and said, " Here, look at my throat."

I had my thyroid taken out two weeks ago.
I have been home an hour.

But, you think I had time to abuse my child?
He was with a family.
Friends who had 3 kids of their own.
Of course, by the time this was over, it was in fact unfounded.

James was living in Waukegan. So, I was like here, call him! And they did.

We got accused of abusing our children literally to the point I took pictures of every visit and even started to video tape it.

At one point in 2002 a hotline call was founded. A woman Misty who alleged to work for parents rights and was to be my friend falsified being an attorney. She alleged abuse and thus one more call to deal with.

She was their star witness.
Well, she was in jail and by the time appeals court, ( thank goodness I learned you could appeal and go before a judge at this point)we got to the LCFS worker the judge demanded that the report be unfounded and that they stop wasting hers and my time.

I had one victory.
They didn't get my Chris.
And In September 2002 Gabriel was born.
Our case was sent to Termination trial by this point.

And although DCFS said get a divorce and you will get your girls back, it did nothing.
7 years of services, visits, parenting classes, marital and individual counseling all to end with no getting our girls back.

I promise you girls, all the services were completed.
But, we still had no family support and we still had much to learn.
What I would give to have known all the things I know now.

So, we were at a point in our lives where we had to make a choice.

Do we keep fighting and lose all of our children maybe in the end? Or do you willingly let go of the two you fought 7 yrs for?

Well, we were promised an open adoption.
We were promised that it would be like an extended family for the girls.

That we would still see them and that Christian would not be traumatized in the end.
He would still know his sisters.

I guess, I should have forseen they would be liars.

After all this is the same family that was truly pissed we made a hotline call on them for the bruises Ashley came to a visit with. We called all our attorneys.

Ashley said " Mommy ***** spanked me because I didn't go poopoo in the potty.

I sure wasn't gonna sit there and do nothing.
And yes, I was like, if we can't touch our child what gives her the right. I did take pictures but, I think to have that online would be inapropriate at this point.

And needless to say since that day, came the "
Well, the girls came back from visits either " Dirty, with a rash or Ashley says she saw her dad get his shirt ripped or Ashley said she saw her dad or Ashley said there was a fight, etc etc, etc,.

We literally had to take pictures and I started taking videos of all my visits.

Oh, and let's not foget the psychiatrist says that the visits are " Traumatizing Ashley and she feels her visits should stop completely. Ashley is having outbursts at home and at school".

The list from this foster family was long and ridiculous.

But, I still took them at their word. I wanted peace for all of my children.
AFter all
" THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE IDEAL PERFECT ADOPTIVE/ FOSTER FAMILY."

So on Decemeber 6, 2002 we let go of our rights to Ashley and Mina Cloutier.

We prayed on it. We got one visit with Mina after that.
And when the adoption finalized, they were gone. They kicked us out of their lives forever.

Well, it has now been 7 yrs.
We haven't seen them or been allowed to write them or call them or anything.
We only have this site to leave greetings and a few others to help other moms.

The had the police call our house and made a report for our friend trying to take Mina a unicorn present for her birthday. (Yes, Mina beans that was Mommy in 2004 trying to send a present.)

I heard she watched as the adoptive mother threw the stuffed unicorn at her in the driveway and went ballistic.

So, we never went back.
We simply found ways online to keep our promise to stay in touch. Even if it meant it would take til they were at least 18 to see it.

The adoptive parents know that we have all these sites out there.

And I was sure to tell the foster dad in court in February 2007 what he did to Christian emotionally for lying.

The adoptive parents shut us out no sooner than the adoption finalized.

My mother was killed 5 days before Easter on April 7, 2004. Our family was so lost and traumatized yet again. Christian loved his abuelita like she was his earth angel.

And I felt his pain.
So, thus why the following occured.

They (adoptive mother I should say) even stooped to level of sending a cruel letter to Christian for sending a thanksgiving card to his sisters on Novemer 23, 2004.
Mind you this was DCFS " Perfect Family who loved all children!"
Well, I guess that it doesn't apply to the siblings they hurt.

This was in 2004. My mother had just died that year. And Christian wanted to send his sisters a card.
I felt so bad for him. To lose his abuelita suddenly and then to lose his sisters completely.

Christian has spent 7years angry, upset and confused.
He still will ask why? Why did they lie to me? Why did they lie to all of us?

I told him I had no answers.
I tried to explain that although mommy and daddy followed the " True mother" story of the bible, not everyone was true to their word.

I even had a neurospsychologist document the emotional damage this has done to him.

He goes to counseling but, it hasn't changed his mind of missing his sisters.

We don't know if Ashley and Mina even knew what the promise was.

We don't know if they will ever know the truth of the situation.

If they go to the juvenille courthouse, they can access their files and the state's attorney is
stil l there. She promised me that she would tell them the truth.
Maurie and Isobel even Michelle Brazil were all there. And they promised to tell the truth.

All we know is that the "Adoptive family" slammed us with an order of protection in February 2007.

So, of course, I got an attorney and then they had to get one.
Of course, the mother didn't show up but, the father did.

And of course, he had to slander us for our past dcfs case what else did he have?

Absolutely nothing.

We had Isobel who was at the termination trial along with my friend Olga and well the paternal grandmother all at that hearing.

And if nothing else, we had that satisfaction of putting into court record everything we had to say to the adoptive father.

He lied to us. He hurt our son.

And for that we will never forget or let go.

God may have brought me to forgiveness but, one day God will bring me to tell them the truth.

It was because they found this site.
They tried to make us delete it.
But, the court ruled in our favor of the fifth amendment.

I only had to remove identifying information and in one day.
I did that.

So, at first, yes, I was truly pissed off.

I mean I had to give Christian a way to vent his grief and frustrations.

And then it became a way for me to express mine as well.

They wanted to take the only thing we could do to help him and that wasn't gonna happen.
We weren't sending mail or people to their house. We simply made this site. A tribute and rememberance of them.

A way to remember everyday. And in hopes one day they will see and they will know we never forgot.

I didn't lie. I kept my promise the only legal way I knew how. I thank God everyday for the internet . I even stepped it up a notch. So, now the boys make videos for their sisters.

And since any videos I have of the girls are mine and were made prior to any adoptions or court orders, no one can stop me from posting them. So, they go up under their real birth given names Ashley and Mina Cloutier.
For they will see this one day, I hope.

Well, after about 6 months, I was happy.
Because even though, I couldn't see it at first, I did win.

God made it so these people would have to think of us everyday for two years.

And they knew we didn't forget and weren't dead.

So, when the renewal came we thought for sure, they would be there. Nope! They never showed up.

I can honestly, say, I was disappointed.

I was willing to go another two years through the courts for this.

I knew that it meant more papertrail and more things to show the girls in the end.

I also knew that if they kept them coming eventually Ashley would be 18, and she would then have to be the one to file a complaint.

But, she would also have to go to court and face us and hear the truth.

I am guessing that they were either pissed because I found a positive in all of this or else they knew what I was thinking and decided not to show.

Either way, James and I did show.
We were there.

One way or another, they will know.
They will see the lies that were told to us.

And they will know we never forgot!
Are these people crazy?
How could they think we would ever forget the gift we gave them?

WE willingly signed our rights to Ashley and Mina.
So, thus it was our gift to them.
A chance for them to show us the love and perfect little lives we expect to see in the end.

But, until, then, we go on. We live each day to it's fullest and we love all of our children. WE did it! We made it together! We surpassed it all and have been together for 19 yrs. I am sorry girls, that things between us and our inlaws I should say haven't gotten any better.
Your Paterna; grandpearents who couldn't evem handle caring for your dad, sitll have the nerve to say that courts were right! That you belong without your family. And I will keep the proof of her words for you.

So, on August 29, 2010
James and I will be getting remarried at the very place we met.
We will be doing it before God
and in church the right way.

The way it should have always been.
We will be married by our very own Father Smythe.

We owe him our childhood and our lives.
He is truly the man that saved us from the lack of love in our own families.
It is an honor to have him officiating our wedding.

We are making our lives together permanent and setting the right example for our sons.

We will continue to pray for our girls and our sons everyday. For the Lord, helped us get through all the hardest of times.

And ya know, I find myself feeling forgiving of the adoptive parents.

I know after reading all this, it is a scary thought.I never thought I would reach the point of forgiveness. But, for the kids and myself, I am saying, I forgive the adoptive family.

But, it took really looking deep into my soul and some harsh things that happened lately for me to realize that I needed to finally forgive.

I need that peace for myself and for my Christian.
I will continue to pray that one day Christian will get his dream and see his big sisters.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than comforting a 12 yr old for two hours over his sisters.

He finally broke down as a result of something insulting posted by a family member.

Even my own mother would not have gone to such lengths to do what has been done the last few weeks.

And she sure wouldn't have subjected her grandson who is already emotionally stressed about this into such an uproar and full of pain.

Well, this family member, she got her wish.
She made her stand or point or whatever.
And it only hurt Christian some more.

I finally realized that James couldn't know how to be a dad or understand things back some 13 yrs ago.

It isn't his fault how he was treated as a child.
And I forgave him.
I truly hope Ashley and Mina will one day understand.

If he didn't get treated right as a child, there was no way he could know how to be a good dad.

He truly loves you both soo much. I wish you could see the tears he has shed over you both and the mistakes that can't be fixed.

I apologized for now I truly after 19 yrs, understand
and get it.

Honestly, it couldn't have opened my eyes at a more perfect time.

For now we have only made our love stronger for each other and our children.

And yes, after 19 years, we learned that just because someone is blood doesn't make them family to you.

And if they are toxic, you let them go.

I know I did all I could and now enough is enough.

And in the same respect, I am grateful the girls haven't had to endure that pain and suffering as we have over the years or even the last 3 months.

James and I have put up with more ridicule and judgements than anyone we knew.

It takes a lot of work to build a family, learn from mistakes and admit when you are wrong.

And I truly feel that what she did, hurt him more than what lie the adoptive family did.

(my grandma Maximina, I named Mina after her)
(She would forgive. She taught me to love and forgive.)

So, yes, I find myself feeling more forgiving of the adoptive parents.

And praying that they did in fact at least keep the girls safe and happy
.
And I actually should say, Thank you.
Thank you for giving them the chance to live life differently than we did.
And for doing it at a time when we were still to young to get it and understand.

But, I can assure you, we have grown.

I believe that with God all things truly are possible.
And maybe Ashley and Mina have been better off where they are.

But, it is our sacrifice not that of the courts.
We made the final decision.
Not the courts!
And sure as heck not any of our parents!!!

Lord knows, they did their fair share of being judgemental, non supporting and cruel.

Honestly, if the world truly thinks we are as bad of parents as we keep getting alleged, where on earth would it have started?

Yes, you guessed it, the grandparents of Ashley and Mina!
I have gotten a year of harsh truths!
It's ok for everyone else to have their kids, but not us.
It's ok for the world to totally mistreat their kids and or grandkids but, we get judged?

I am so sick of hotline calls and ignorance of family members.
I am so sick of people acting like their sh*t don't stink!

And then, the question becomes, if we were such bad parents and you thought the courts were right, why on earth go to the Order of Protection courts on our behalf?

It's ok for the world to judge but, heck if they would take blame for anything they did to cost us our girls.

Let's not forget the ongoing psychological damage to my sons.

And to honestly, post such harsh words to this site for the world to see?
and what satisfaction does one get in the end?

My kids can read now. They got a glance for themselves of what I have had to endure for 19 years with poor James.

I can honestly say, " I am disgraced to be related by blood and marriage to the people that have cost us the life with our girls, the constant torment towards our sons and their own selfishness.

My prayers, truly, are that God will bring justice for all the hurt and pain we have endured from all of them. And that we will get our happy ever after in the end.

But, we will never know will we?

All we know is that we did what we had to as parents for all of our children.
We needed to be unselfish and
have enough love to be "True Parents."

And now, it is time for us to move forward and fix our bond and love story.

It is time to say, we lived the for worst and now let's for get our for better.

It is time to ask God to forgive and for us to give love to our children.

(Before I conclude this story I can say, that our sons have displayed some of those same symptoms Ashley did.
Those outbursts and bad behaviors have names
SENSORY INTEGRATION DYSFUNCTION, MOOD DISORDER, OPPOSTIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER, ADHD and Asperger's syndrome.

And that rash Ashley had that they thought were burns, it is called Nummular eczema. You see my son Gabi started doing things that kept flashing back to those behaviors they claimed Ashley was displaying.

And all of these things are mostly genetic.)

What I would have given to known all that sooner. Goes to show DCFS doesn't always do their job and research.
We need to make our family right again.

All I can do is pray for all of my children.

I can pray that they are all safe and one day, God will bring them together.

Maybe they did everything as a result of another parent that wronged them.

Sorry, I had to remove the actual story off my site. Give me another year and a half.

But, in short, a birth mother kidnapped her son during a visit at the same Mc Donald's we couldn't even walk to the bathroom in without someone down our backs.

It is a matter of public knowledge being as it is on the net. So, I assume I can say that much.

But, that wasn't us.
We just wanted to do the right thing for all of our children.

I will continue my fight to help other birthmothers and victims of Domestic Violence.

http://www.myspace.com/stopdomesticviolence

To truly love is to NEVER FORGET THOSE TAKEN FROM YOU!

You remember them at any cost. And I may never get back the chance of seeing the girls and their childhood.

But, I can learn from my mistakes and help other mothers. Just as I am helping victims of Domestic Violence everyday.

I help people. And that is what God gave me as a calling and peace for my own grief.

So, for Ashley and Mina
This is the only legal way we can remember you
without your adoptive parents taking us back to court
and slapping us with another order of protection.

WE love you BOTH AND NEVER FORGET!

HAPPY 2010!

"I'll never die as long as I live within your memory, so shed no tears and leave a Rose in rememberance of me.
For All our family angels that are now watching Ashley and Mina from heaven."

Linda Anne Regan 7/27/1976 - 5/28/2001

Abuelita Margarita Casillo 9/15/1957 - 4/07/2004

Cousin Mikey Rivera

Grandma Barbara Cloutier

Our furry friends

Booboo Big Daddy Casillo 11/06/2006 - 9/13/2008

Chico Casillo 2/25/1990 - 5/14/2009

PLEASE HELP SPREAD AWARENESS OF ALZHEIEMER'S
http://act.alz.org/site/TR/Events/General?pxfid=11710&fr_id=1120&pg=fund

The True Mother

A True mother accepts her own faults.
For without faults, how will she learn to grow?

A true mother accepts all imperfections.
For without the imperfections how can we learn, to accept?

A true mother will believe in you against all the odds.
For without belief, how do we teach our child faith?

A true mother will sacrifice without question.
She will fall and keep getting up.

She will cry her tears of pain. Yet, she will rejoice for the Lord has kept her sane.

She will feel your anguish and pain.
She will share your joy and success.

She will love unconditionally, girl or boy.
Love is what she does best.

She will rejoice in your achievements and praise regardless of your mistakes.

She will give her whole life for you, whatever it takes.

She will embrace every moment of childhood given.

She will grieve every moment of those lost.

She will always remember the sacrifices she makes at any cost.

A true mother will love all her children regardless of where life takes them.

True mothers sometimes make the choices that will break her heart and feel as though their soul has been ripped.

But, deep down inside, remembering the rewards of being unselfish and true.

It is the mother whose heart is true, that will embrace the pain of sacrificing her own happiness for well being of her child.

She is always praying, that they will feel her love from a far.

Praying that those moments she embraced will soon not be forgotten.

A true mother will spend everyday hoping that the child whose very life grew inside her and closest to her heart,
will remember the love that came first from their " TRUE mother."

She will pray her voice being first heard, is still there in her child's mind.

She will always be true and a remarkable kind.

True mothers are blessed with the choice to do right or do wrong?

It is those who do right that are never forgotten all along.

So, for those who question, choices that a true mother makes.

Would you, could you, do whatever it takes?

~Susana M.
Copyright© 2/6/2010

Now for my many Thank yous to all the following.....

First and Foremost to God for always giving me the courage to go on even when I don't have the strength!

My mamasita Margarita who gave me life and taught me that nothing is far from fighting for. No matter how bleak the world is, there is always something good to look forward to. My mother gave me the strength to know when to fight for what's right. She gave me the courage to " take my stand!" Even though, she was pissed that I gave up the girls, she always stood by me. I miss you mommy!I love you.

Lindita my sister, you made me crazy! But, you always saw the beauty in life. You lived it to the fullest no matter how short it was! You are forever beautiful! Forever my sister! I miss you always. I love you

To my Ashley and Minabeans,

I may have missed out on most of your life and childhood. But, Ashley I will hold your warm hugs and sweet kindness always in my heart.

Mina beans, you always had a soft sweet voice.
I miss you so much and I am so sorry we didn't get more time together.
B ut, the both of you give me a reason to stand strong, and believe it or not, my experience with the system taught me a lot. Now mommy can help other people and remember you both always.
I pray one day, you will find us and have forgiveness for any pain you may have had.
We love you sooo much.

Never doubt that!

"A poem to my growing girls Ashley Marie
and Mina ToniaMykela Cloutier"

Years, have passed since we've last spoken
Time goes on and my heart grows stronger.
Mothers never lose the love for their children.

We are bonded forever until the end.
I never stop thinking, never stop believing and never stop praying for you both.

For all the time lost, there is so much yet to gain.

For all the missed moments there will be time for new memories to be made.

For all the tears we have all cried in pain, there will be many more tears but, of joy.

Joy and rejoicing for the day we
again meet.

Then the smiles and laughter of all the moments to catch up on.

For all the lies that ones have told, there will be painful truths to be heard.

For all the sorrow there will be tomorrows.
The Lord always hold close those dear to our hearts and souls.

So live my sweet girls.
Live life full, live life proud, live as much as you can.

Love and laugh and remember there will come a day where the Lord will bring us all together again.

Never miss a moment.
Enjoy the simple wonders and pleasures of the world.

Sing as though you have never sang before.
Rejoice!
I will always be singing with you in my heart.

I will always be your mommy.
A love with an unselfish heart.

Para Siempre En Mi Corazon
Mommy Susana M. ReganCloutier
9/9/2009 Copyright©

To Gina our state's attorney, thank you for allowing me to stay in touch. Thank you for trying to make the best of a hard situation. I know your job isn't easy. God Bless

Thank you to Maurie (the girls first foster mother) and a true friend even til this day. You have been such a blessing.

Thank you for all the pictures you find.
Thank you for believing in me always and helping me to hold on to that hope of one day hugging my babies again.

To my Angels of Dv and B irthmothers of Illinois Myspace friends,
"You have been kinder than I could have imagined. You are all full of spirit that keeps me yearning to help others. God Bless you all aways.

And a special Thanks to Crystal! Always and ready to lift me up on my down days. Love ya girl!

Thank you to Isobel who is always there to listen and cheer me on.

Olga, thank you for being like a sister to me. Thank you for your moral support and just being family to us.

Michelle Brazil you were right, you were an amazing counselor and I will never forget all you taught me.

To all my angelfamilies.com friends, you are all angels at heart. You have truly been there for all my grieving and blessed me with such kindness and love.

To our Maryville Family,(especially, Julie, J'net, Tina, Carrie and of course brother Frankie! You are like blood to us. You helped us grow a bond since we were all kids. And J'net you proved that some bonds will never be broken! Besitos mi hermana!

You guys Rock! I can't wait for everyone to get together again at our wedding.

To my Leyden Family, thank you for understanding and always sending those hugs.

Dawn, you have been a great friend. Thankyou for your patience with my Gabi and letting your son hang with him.

Lucy, I love your bluntness! You Rock!
Karen, you have been my friend for over 21 years and God mother to my sons. You have always been around through the good and the bad, you are great!

Smoochies to all
To My Chris and Gabi I wouldn't be able to get through life without you 2, you have always given me laughter and hope. You are my spirit each day, my soul that lives for each day and forever my heart.
I love you all.
Love Mama

Terri, you know I love you for all you do. Thank you for the little bit of piece.

Janice you have always been like a sister even with all that has passed our lives over the years. I wish you much love and happiness.
Thank your for being a dear friend and sister to me.

To my Regan family,
Well, for all we have endured, you have all truly been there for me and the kids. Thank you.

My Beloved Jamie,
Baby we have grown, you have grown and one day my dear, they will see, and know it wasn't your fault.
Without each other, we could never have made it through the years of pain and heartache that came along with growing up.
This hasn't been an easy 19 yrs to say the least. But, we have successfully been raising our two sons the right way.

It wasn't our dream to lose to kids.
But, we did right by them.
Remember that, we had a responsibility to all our children.
And we made the right decision.

I pray one day Ashley and Mina will see we didn't abandon them and we didn't choose to lose them on purpose.

We chose the only peaceful solution for all of them thank you for supporting me babycakes.

May God bless all the good people in our lives for all their guidance and love and understanding.
Thanks for keeping me going each day.
Smoochies.
soon to be wifey forever
Susana RC