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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINA BEANS! 2014  / Mommy REgan (Mommy)
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A New Year  / Happy New Year (don 't matter )
May you be forever blessed. I got nothing else left.

Happy Birthday today you are Seventeen.

July 25, 2013 at 9:41am

Congratulations young lady you are seventeen

There isn't a day that goes by that you aren't with me

In my thoughts and in my prayers

I pray you are happy everywhere

I still remember that one fine day

God blessed me with a princess

It was no easay day

I woke up to a bed flooded with water

and peed waterfalls all day

I made it to an ambulance on this one fine day

I had to go to two hospitals on the day you were born

By the time we got to two dilation was half gone

That epidrual it felt so good

The pain that comes with labor went as it should

Then the time to push

came a bit harder

I could not feel my waist down

Oh the troubled looks that it bothered

So, my doctor used forceps and helped me push from the stomach out

at 4:26 my princess was out

I was so happy and blessed

and could see you from afar

I tried to climb out of my bed

and hit the floor

There was blood splattered

I made a big mess

But, I was simply trying to crawl to see my beautiful princess

Little did I realize the epidural

made me lose balance

Little did I know our lives would be so challenged.

I cling on to that one fine day

when the nurse finally handed you in my arms

And I could look into those little hazel blue eyes

And I thanked God that he blessed me from so high.

And no matter where live takes us to

I never ever regret that one fine day I was blessed with you

My Minnie Beans I love you so much

That memory of your being born

no one can ever touch.

Happy Birthday Princess!

July 25, 2013 copyright of Susana M. C. ~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY! 2011  / Susana Regan (Mommy)
My Dearest Ashley Marie, 

I pray you have had an awesome birthday! You seem to have many good friends who love you. 

You are a young woman now and I pray you live life with much lov, happiness and grace. Please keep God close to your heart and you will go so much further than you could have ever imagined. 

I will be here always if you ever need me or want to talk to me or see me. 
Your brothers will be as well. 
xoxox My sweets. 
To AShley and Mina love Deti Dottie  / Dorothy Rivera (Great Aunt )
Dear Ashley and Mina

You may not remember me but I’m your aunt Dorothy from Brooklyn New York I haven’t seen you since you were two and your sister was four years old. This was around the Time your Mother was in the hospital and you two had a birthday cake for your mother. And I feel that you are both old enough to understand that people may say a lot of things and tell you things that are not true. Year After Year I have watched your mother and your brother Christian cry over both of you on birthdays and holidays. Consider all this before you pass Judgment on you’re parents. Hope to see you two soon.

Love always 
your aunt Dorothy
I am so sorry my girls..........  / Susan Marie Reganq (True Mother )
I spent so many years hoping and praying and dreaming of you both. I prayed for a joyous reunion where you will finally know the truths and how much I love you both. 

I thought your brothers would finally get to see their sisters and you would just love them. They are wonderful and sweet and well they have their moments but, have always loved you two since forever. 

I guess, I hoped that by the time Ashley would be 18 that I could say life was perfect. That nothing is as it had ever been but, recent events show me otherwise. 
As a mom I learned that no matter what you do, you can't always protect  your children. You can hope and pray you do the right things and teach the right things but, in the end it is up to our children. 

But, really, I just want you to know I love you all whole heartedly. And if I could for a moment change my decision in court, I would have in a heart beat. 

Who knows how life would have turned out then. 

You will learn as I have that the people you spend so many years listening to and having faith in aren't always going to be faithful and true. 

You may see that family is sometimes more family when they aren't blood related. I have seen this to be the case so many times. 

But, I  pray you will both grow up happy and self confident and be true to yourselves. Forget the rest of the world and be true to you. 

Be faithful to God first and foremost and always follow your heart no matter how many times it gets broken. 

Mina I am keeping my promise to prove to you on paper that I didn't beat you or your sister, I didn't lie, I did always fight for you both until there was no more fights left to battkle. 

And upon your sister's 18t birthday I will post everything postable to you. 
You should also be careful of those you trust too fast and especially online. 

In normal circumstances there is nothing greater than the love of a mother for her child. However, I have seen an unhealthy side to this quote. And I pray that you will never get to endure that in certain people. 

My love  for you both is undying. If I died tomorrow, I would know that I died leaving the world with 4 beautiful children  who are the greatest gifts the Lord has blessed me with. 

Just know I think of you both and not a day goes by, that you aren't missed, prayed for and truly loved by myself your mother. 

I love you both and wish you much happiness. 

Love your true mother 
Susan Marie Regan
Happy Memorial Day  / Mommy Susana Cloutier (Mommy)
Today we went to a bbq. I hadn't been anywhere else in forever. We took abuelita in a pretty dress. Your brother played with his friend. He had fun. Memorial day use to be the first bbq of the year in my family until Linda died 10 years ago. 

It has never been the same. We went to Navy Pier on Saturday the28th. It was a way to remember my sister in a happy way. My mom and I had plans to go 7 yrs ago. Sadly, she died that same week. So, we finally did it. Your brothers had a great time. We went with my cousins. It was fantastic. Oh, you just don't know how much love there is in my Dominican part of the family. It is amazing. They have so much faith and love for God. They are praying for you both. 

It has given me renewed strength and understanding. It is fantastic. 
I love and miss you both soo much. 

Always in my heart and prayers. 
Mommy Susana M.C.

P.S. If anything should happen due to another relative who has threatened to find a way to cause problems, know that is wasn't us. .
We love you. And in advance I am sorry for their actions. I thought we were passed so many things, But, God says everything happens for a reason. 
I am praying for the best. Love u
I think of today and thank the Lord for several things....  / MOMMY CLOUTIER REGAN (MOM)
You may have been adopted but, you don't have to endure so many of the things, I have. You don't have to endure the agony of family drama. It sometimes seems it will never end. 

But, I am grateful that you don't have to endure this. And I pray that if someone decides to start acting dense and say some harsh things about your dad and I that you will take it with a grain of salt. 

Honestly, almost 20 yrs everytime someone gets mad at me they find a way to hurt my kids. And mom is so tired of this ritual. But, sadly it never seems to end.

And even worse it seems that the 28th of May is more cursed now thn before. But, well, keep going to church dear girls, remember to keep God first and foremost closest to your heart and you will be able to see past all the evil and obstacles life hands you. 

I oray you will both grow up happy and well and strong! I pray you overcome all obstacles as I have in life and that you will still wake up smiling at each new day. 

Remember Daddy and I love you soo much. 
I am sorry I have to start posting all pics in a slideshow. But, I will try to keep it updated. xoxox 
To my Ashley Marie .. Wow 17 now look at your life and imagine me  / Susan M. Regan Cloutier (True Mom )
To my Ashley Marie .. Wow 17 now look at your life and imagine me
by ~ Susana Maria on Monday, April 4, 2011 at 4:10pm

I sit back today and realized you see

You are now seventeen

You are the same age as I was too

When I was blessed to carry you

Inside of me

I was still young

I graduated high school right before I had you

I was out on my own for the first time you see

Then there you were growing inside of me

I had no job and had just recently moved

Out on my own with not support from the state anymore

I refused to be in a teen home for new moms

So, I was emancipated and left to learn the world at seventeen with you growing inside of me

Your dad and I we were still kids

Who needed to grow and understand the world

But, by the time I turned 18

I had you my little girl

I was so happy than I could have imagined

For you I would have done anything

Anything is exactly what I did

To try and keep you happy, fed and safe

Then the day came when we had no place

It was just daddy, mommy and you to feed

I struggled and begged and loved you without greed

I went without anything and everything to get you what you needed

I tried to ask for help but, kindness wasn’t greeted

In my day, if we chose a path disliked

We had to learn the hard way

And we had to fight for what was right

So, to the outdoors we did stay

In a tent that very same day

I was sad I lost another baby in the belly during our stay

Finally, with nowhere else to go

It was off to Chicago to see my friend Jimbo

He was the only friend I had left to go

I was so happy someone would help me

I was on my way to see my family

It was that very day that ruined my life

I learned the very hard way

Those families will fight

That lies would be told

Ones that couldn’t be undone.

I was only 18 and you were my first born

I was young and naive and didn’t know what to do

All I did was fight and fight to keep you

There are so many mistakes and lessons I have learned

For you to be in my life I have always yearned

And now I sit here and you are seventeen

I pray to the Lord your life will move more positive than I had seen

I pray you get to finish school and go all the way

Then when you have lived life, you will have kids of your own some day

And I hope to the Lord that one day you will sit and see

That you are the same age as I was growing up too fast and being your mommy

I pray you will see that it for what it was

I was a young girl who hadn’t yet grown up

But, you my dear I will never regret

You were the first blessing I was given

My path was set

So, although much of your life I didn’t get to see

It was because I chose to fight for you to live life better than me

I fought to keep you for 7 long years

And then one day, sadly you became theirs

I made a choice as your mother

A choice no mother should have to face

Do I give you a chance at another one’s place?

It was no question at the time you see

I thought they were better for you than me

But, please my sweet girl always know

My love for you will always grow

I never tried to pretend to be a saint

But, I know their version of me in your mind they did taint

And that is what is sad and breaks my heart

Imagining your anger towards me

Rips me apart

But, you are seventeen

And one day you will see

I have always loved you

And you will always love me

For moms bonds are forever

As I have learned way to late

As my mother left me

Due to a terrible fate

You are always in my heart as is she

Remember I will always love you My Ashley Marie

Copyright© 4/4/2011 Susana M.C

Hello / Maurie Stern (friend, foster parent )
To both girls, 
.We loved having you in our lives so long ago. We have kept in touch with your mom and dad and brothers over the years. You were special children and we know you are just as special now. Please stay safe and if you ever want to talk feel free to call. Even a visit would be wonderful. Sometimes life's journey can be confussing, bu tyou have a lot of people who love you, and everything will work out. Sending love, Maurie Stern
A New day A new time.........  / Mommy Cloutier (Mommy)
Dearest Ashley Marie and Mina beans, 

I guess, I kind of have been thinking of what more I can do to this site to let you know we love you. 

And I thought, maybe, I should just journal and show you more pictures along the way. 

So, here is what we did this past few weeks. 
Gabriel had a birthday on the 17th. He turned 8 years old. That is how long it has been since Mina has held her baby brother. 
And that is about how long it has been since we have seen you Ashley. Gabriel has never met you. But, he talks as though he has.

He had his first picture day. As you can see, he got all dressed in a nice shirt and tie. He has a hat that reminds me of Children of the corn. haha 

Christian will have his picture day tomorrow. 
Christian is in new classes at his school. He got upgraded for being to smart. (This is a good thing.) 

We had switched schools because of the Asperger's Syndrome. And well, he has proven to be doing quite well. 

We enjoyed Oktoberfest for the first time ever. Yes, we saw Sonic. I can never pass up the cool characters. 

We also went to Frightfest and got our new season passes for 2011 to Great America. 

We are going to go back again on the 16th of October to see Svengoolie. Christian loves Svengoolie. 

We also wanted to catch the rest of the Zombie dances and stuff we missed this time around. 

Christian went on the Raging bull for the first time. That was freaky for me to imagine. 

Gabriel had a playdate at Chuckee Cheese. Some guys got into a fight in the parking lot and their were about 10 cars from Villa Park's finest in attendance. 

We took a few pics and bolted out of there. I try to keep the violence out of Gabriel's view. Do you know he won't even watch the Lion King? He thinks it is too violent. 

Gabriel also had a play date with Anthony. 
They act like brothers. It is funny. 

His mom Dawn is my friend. My necklace in the picture represents "Empowerment". I thought it was a fitting thing for my wedding. And it was a reminder of how strong I have become since my mother and sister have died. 

And I also learned to smile a little more. Life is to short and well, I still have a lot to smile about. 

And on August 29, 2010 Daddy and I finally got married. It seems so unreal sometimes. But, it was nice to have that heavy Cinderlla Princess dress and my Princess Shoes. Well, let me tell ya, those shoes hurt but, were great! The dress was heavy but, looked awesome. And we got married where we met. So, it was sentimental. The only part missing was our girls being there. 

But, it's ok. I hope one day you will see how we tried to make all the wrongs right in the end.

I love you both so very much. I hope one day you will understand that we all make mistakes. And if we are lucky, we learn from them. Mistakes are lessons in life that show us the way. 

God Bless sweet babygirls, 


August 29, 2010 Mommy and Daddy got remarried  / Mommy Susana (Mommy)
It was a beautiful and hot sunny day. We got married in the church at Maryville Academy. This is where mommy and daddy first met.

Christian got to speak and read the reading during mass.
Gabi was the ring boy and helped give mommy away.

Your brothers were both very well behaved.
I got my princess dress and felt like a princess. Now my life feels complete except for you two being in our lives. I wish you both could have been there.


Remember, I love you  / Mommy Regan (True mommy )
In the years that have passed us,all Ihope for is that you remember I love you. I loved you from the moments of conception to forever. I pray that you will see the goodness in people.

And I truly pray you will find your brothers one day. They have missed you both soo much. They were so innocent to all that has happened. They have only loved you and missed you.

I am so sorry. I should have fought harder and actually listened to my mother. She was so right about so much.

Please just know my family,we all have loved you sooo much.
Para siempre en mi corazon mi hijas.

Happy birthday  / MARIA CABRERA (AUNTY)
Mina although I don't know you personally i wish that all your dreams com true just believe in the good lord. Your Aunt Maria

Happy Belated Birthday guestbook greeting  / Mommy Cloutier (True Mommy )

I am sorry Mina beans, I didn't do this on your bday. I did leave you a few short greetings on the front though. 

I hope you had a peaceful and fun day. I pray for you and Ashley always. We never forget and yes, of course we did our birthday videos for you.


Happy Birthday Mina!  / Jamie Cloutier (True Father )
Hi baby girl! Happy Birthday! It's a beautiful day, just like the day you were born. Hope all is going well for you, and I hope you have a wonderful day today. You're always in my thoughts and I still love you and remember your smile.
I hope that one day you really do have the opportunity to see this site and understand that we really loved and still love you both. To the foster parents, if you are reading this. We don't harbor anything against you, we'd only like for the girls to know about us, maybe even a picture or letter like you agreed to in the beginning. Thank you though for giving them a home when we couldn't and taking care of them. Truly there had to be a reason everything happened the way it did and we are much stronger because of it. You or anyone else has the means to contact me if they'd like.
Once again, Happy Birthday Mina Beans. We love you, and never let your dreams fade away!
beautiful page  / Stephanie Muns (friend of family )
love Ya
Feliz Navidad y un prospero Ano Nuevo  / Susana ReganCloutier (True mother )
My Sweet girls, Puerto Ricans celebrate Christmas until January 6th. That is 3 kings day. 

We all Saw Santa and Mrs. Claus

WE love you and miss you. Please know we love you and miss you so much. I am adding some pics for you today. 

We took Grandma to see her sister Rosario. It was a lot of work since Grandma Mina no longer walks. We made Christmas all about her. I miss you. 

WE donated over 100 non perishable food items in your honor this year to a local food drive At Christian's school. 

 besos for abuelita

silly face

besos for Chris

 Mommy and Margarita. She is getting big. 

 Mommy and Daddy's yearly ornament looks cool

 We did a star and Gabi got to put it on top

Abuelita got a beautiful dolphin blanket (reminder of peace Linda and my mom loved dolphins) and a Shirt from all of us
Twinkle Twinkle little star my grandchildren are best by far.

Susana, Lindita, Junito, Margarita, Nicolas, Christian, Gabriel, Ashley and Mina. 
there was a star next to all of our names and she said oh my God, lol. That is a lot. I never forget any of you. 

Margarita keeps me laughing and going. She reminds me of mom and Linda but, she also reminds me that you two must be doing the same stuff. It is scary and fun at the same time. I miss you two so much. 


WE love you and miss you soo soo much. Merry Christmas and Happy new year! I hope to one day see you both and just hug you. I miss hugging my girls. In my heart always, love  Mommy

Holiday Magic 2009


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