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um I guess to keep I don't want to see this everyday nowlaterz  / Me Me Me Me Chris (bro)
I recently encountured my biological daughter Ashley on 7/29/12. It was an ironic moment when I saw her in person working a job at one of my favorite store chains.

However, being she was over 18 I thought it was worth a try to say hello. " Much to my dismay, she shunned both myself and her baby brother CJ in public." And then of course the Adoptive Parents showed up not long after to say that she did what they "ordered" her to do. I didn't threaten anyone, I didn't make a scene and I didn't do anything wrong.

So, let's clear that up. It was a fluke coincidence we were in the same place at the same time. And last I checked it is a free country and I should not act like a baby and go running out of a store because of a lady who thinks she can still intimidate me but, won't face me after ten years.

Wow! I wish I could have that kind of control on any adult. At any rate, to clear a few things up,I needed to post a few things.

1. I paid for my daughter's graduation video, the graduation pictures and the yearbook.
(So, yell at me!) It was public and it was at my expense. about 175.00 worth of expense.

2. To the newly 18 year old (friend) who doesn't know me, stop talking about my family like you know it all. And for the love of all that is holy, practice your grammar. You are an adult now as well. Who goes around saying your pplz?

You had not been there from the beginning for every court date, doctor's appointment or even emails I had received this past year. You only know whatever line of crap you were told. I have the people and papers to back up every lie that was told about us. So, no I don't expect my daughter to just want to be loving.

But, the fact that two innocent boys have been affected is a disgrace.
And you want me to worry about them, don't worry, I have every intention of pulling every specialist and therapist that this mess has caused them and I will gladly address it. I would love to get reimbursed for the trauma this caused my sons. But, mostly. I want the satisfaction of the "TRUTH" to be told to these girls.

My advice is if you can't understand the business please stay out of it.
That is trying to put it nicer than that remark you made today. No one talks to my family that way. You don't even know me.
The problem in this situation is that this couple thought they could make a verbal agreement, lie and that I would just drop dead. But, sorry to disappoint you all.

3. If you don't like what you read or watch on this site, stay off of it! It has had over 1,000 hits in the past week. So, who is stalking who??

4. I have spent the last 10 years taking care of my sons. If you had kids you would know that it is not easy.
Especially seeing as these people LIED TO THEM FOR 10 YEARS ABOUT AN OPEN ADOPTION! AND YOU CALL ME RUDE! Rude is when a couple lies and sends emails to a brother telling him to stay away at 6 years old or to kill himself at 14 years old. That is rude!

5. And yes, I have heard from neighbors that told me many unpleasant things about that house and how it was lived in and falling apart and the safety hazards. And anyone could see that once it was empty!

6. And next time you want to call my family liars by all means, email me. I will send you copies not only of the nasty letter sent to CJ as a six year old, but, to their brother who is now 14 years old.

It will even be my pleasure to send every message sent by people you know tellling me about the dumpster story and garbage bag.


7. And while we are at it, you can have copies of the threats that were sent to their brother from their computer. I have saved and printed and had sent it all to my attorney.

After all, I have gotten to know this family in a different light over the years. And I am ready to see them in court real soon. I am done being told I am the liar. If nothing else, I just want these girls to know the 'TRUTH."

They don't need to hear it from me but, the many people who stood there that day as I cried my eyes out trying to make the right decision. I have kept all the contact information. So, yes, do go ahead and tell me off yourself. I would have more respect for you that way.
Now if you don't mind, some of us have lives to attend to and families to actually work and care for. Not all of us can live off the state.
Oh, and the brothers you said I should be worried about you can see them plenty in all the videos they make their sisters. They are fine and healthy and just a little pissed off that they still can't talk to their sisters.
Toodles~


A wise woman named Michelle Brazil once told me of this story about the True Mother.

I cried when I heard it. And as I chose to make the ultimate sacrifice. I chose my love for you over my wanting to hang on to you both. I let you go out of love and with the promise that we would be a part of your lives always.

Dearest Ashley and Mina Beans,

I think that we were more successful in life than your adoptive mother anticipated. We went from homelessness and no job, no car, no consistent housing and not finishing college to being completely successful.

I went to college and became a Certified nursing Assistant.
I care for our grandmother everyday at home.

I care for your special needs brothers everyday. And they are amazing!

They are happy and healthy and they have big hearts.
Christian is a big Honor Roll student.
He has already decided his goals for college and his future.
He will be in advanced placement Biology and had the highest math testing scores in his class.
He even tested out of reading. :)

Your dad stayed off drugs, worked hard and completed his Bachelor's degree in Networking and Communications Management at DeVry University.

He now has a $50,000 a year plus job with benefits.
We live in a house we have had for the past 7 years.
We have inherited 3 fish, Sunny, Stardust( Gabi named him) and Pebbles.

We have four beautiful puppies, Snoopy, Charlie, Rex and Bella. Christian loves his dogs to death.

I am still a sucker for animals and helping others.
Sadly, Booboo, Chico and Sassy all passed away in the last 4 years.

Sassy was the hardest to let go. She was all I had left of my mama. But, I know she would be happy in heaven now running and playing and has no more pain. I enjoyed all the moments I could with them.
I had sent numerous cards and letters of the years, But, the day your adoptive mother sent that nasty letter to your brother was it for me.

I am sorry to say, but, she is mean and heartless.

I have heard all the stories of what goes on in that house and what happened to the old house. I know she has not kept all her promises.

I know she tried to tell people you were put in a dumpster. ( Kind of a ridiculous story seeing as you were like nine years old when we last saw you. )

I also know from the many caseworkers how much she talked about the case and lied to you both over the years.

And now she has the balls to scream abandonment.
Well, what else could she try out of sheer desperation.

But, you know what? I am still standing.

I am still a great mom.
An even better mom now.

I can thank her for giving me a much deeper appreciation for my mother, my foster mother and your dad's mother.

They were all Angels compared to what I have been seeing and hearing lately.

You have to know when I signed those papers, your adoptive parents said, " Don't worry, you will be like an extended family and they can still see their brothers."

She didn't even tell people that you had brothers.
I guess my staying on the internet everyday helped finally.

So, whatever she is feeding into your minds, I have competent witnesses from the day I had to sign those papers. She seems to not realize how many people still stay in touch with me. ( Your first foster mother, my first and only LCFS therapist, Isobel another adoptive mom, and so many more.)

I was not a perfect mom at 18. I was clueless and still learning. But, I swear to you that those days of 3 hour bus rides while pregnant just to see you for an hour at the mall was always worth it.

I still have the journals and court papers and pictures.
When moms supposedly abandon their children they would never do all of that and fight for 7 years straight.

The saddest part of this journey was learning that you were no better of with this couple than with your own family.

I should have listened to my mother that one day and I chose not to. She was right. God rest her soul.

And I am proud of you Ashley for rallying for Domestic Violence awareness. As awkward as it was to share a story in front of you, I did it for you. I just needed you to hear me even if we never talked.

I am thrilled to hear you learned fluent french! You girls are by the way, Irish on both sides, German on both sides, French Canadian from Daddy, Puerto Rican and Dominican from my mom's side.

There is no Japanese. Sorry about that.
I know that you are 18 now.

And this is the time for exploration and enjoying life. Don't let anyone take that from you.

Please don't let anyone talk you out of college.

I know that you can get loans and grants and stay on a campus. You can do it. I bet it is just that they don't want to lose that extra income each month from the adoptions.

Trust me mama knows a lot more than they give me credit for.
And now that you are 18 I can talk to you like an adult.
Work hard, follow your heart and your dreams. Let no one stand in your way!

But, please keep a watch over your sister. She is the only real sister you will ever have in your life.

I will continue to leave greetings and messages as I have done.
Because I have and always will love you both.
And no one can ever take away feelings.
Be strong, Be Brave and know that you can both do anything you set your mind to.

All my love
Mama]








Muchas Felicidades!  / Adaljiza Perez (cousin)
Muchas felicidades!!! Que Dios te guarde te bendiga y te de paz, que todos tus dias sean llenos de gracia, ademas pon al Señor Jesus delante de ti que el sea que te guie. Te bendigo en nombre el nombre de Jesús.
Congratulations my sweet Ashley girl  / Mommy ReganCloutier (Mommy)



This was my before you graduated video.


As I watched the clock on your graduation day. I cried a thousand tears of joy for you were doing something amazing. I figured that at least my mom and sister were able to watch over you from the heavens as I watched Margarita's at 11 am. It was a joyous and beautiful day for me. 

I was so proud that you both graduated and then you had the same gowns and tassles. I cried as I watched you on video. My heart was overjoyed that even 3 weeks to the day I at least got to see that beautiful smile and your beautiful moment, I had dreamed of for so long. 



I cried so much this day. I made a video of my actual moment of watching you walk the stage.

I bought all the pictures and the yearbook and the dvd. I may not have been there but, I so wanted to be. I only couldn't find a way to get a copy of the actual program. I tried. You have grown from that beautiful smiley girl who loved baby bop to a beautiful young lady. I love you so much. Life has not been complete without you girls in my life. And I am truly sorry for any pain you may have endured over the years. 



This was our Congratulations video for you after graduation. 
The front of the site for Ashley Birthday being moved over  / MOMMY Regan Cloutier (Mommmy)


I thank the Lord that you are finally 18. I have waited many years for this moment. It doesn't matter to me how anyone else feels about me as long as I have my children and their understanding.

I know that your good memories have been tainted of us.
So, for your birthday, I am going to share as much of the good memories with you as I possibly can.

I remember when I was a little girl and I was growing up in a foster home. My foster mother never thought or said anything nice about my parents.
I had my brother and sister with me and we all always stuck together through everything.

But, more importantly, I grew up and I realized that my mom always loved me. She just was a young 17 year old kid when she gave birth to me. She tried to do all she could and I couldn't truly understand until I was much older.

I am grateful God blessed me with the chance to spend good time with her before she died. And that I had the chance to tell her I loved her and I was sorry for doubting her growing up.

My sweet Ashley, we all make mistakes. From the time we are babies until our dying day, we are not perfeCt beings.

But, when you can learn from your mistakes that is the greatest gift of all.

I assure you as a kid you feel like your parents are wrong or crazy and don't have a clue what they are talking about.

I don't know a kid yet that hasn't felt that same exact way.
But, my sweets, not everything is the way you probably imagined or were told for the majority of your childhood.

I hope to one day have the chance to tell you and show you the truths.
I believe that our past if left unresolved totally impacts our futures and how we view our lives and those of others. I know my life until I was faced with all my past was confusing. It impacted my innersbeing, my being a mother, a daughter, a sister and a wife.

I wish I had all the right words to say. I have dreamed of this for 9 years. But, I guess I can only tell you that you were the first most beautiful blessing I have ever had in my life. And You have change me in so many ways you may never know. 







This is a video of you on a visit during Margarita's 4th birthday. I was pregnant with Christian. But, you were still so happy to see us and you still sang the, " I love you, you love me song." Baby Bop was your first favorite character and you were so adorable. 

The following is a video of you from the time you were a baby through all of your siblings until Christian. You chose not to meet Gabriel. But, he still loves you just the same and asks all the time" Is this the year Ashley will find us?" 





I have spent years helping other birthmothers trying to teach them all the laws and their rights that they need to never experience the heartache that I have. ~


























I love you both soo much. I can't be angry about things anymore. My life is too short. I hope and pray you will one day understand all the truths.
And Ashley I have all the medical records and court documents and witnesses you need when you are ready. I am sure you know how to find me.
Love Mama












From Chris a big Harry Potter fan



































To my Ashley Marie .. Wow 17 now look at your life and imagine me


by ~ Susana Maria on Monday, April 4, 2011 at 4:10pm

I sit back today and realized you see

You are now seventeen

You are the same age as I was too

When I was blessed to carry you

Inside of me

I was still young



I graduated high school right before I had you

I was out on my own for the first time you see

Then there you were growing inside of me

I had no job and had just recently moved

Out on my own with not support from the state anymore

I refused to be in a teen home for new moms

So, I was emancipated and left to learn the world at seventeen with you growing inside of me

Your dad and I we were still kids

Who needed to grow and understand the world



But, by the time I turned 18

I had you my little girl

I was so happy than I could have imagined

For you I would have done anything

Anything is exactly what I did



To try and keep you happy, fed and safe

Then the day came when we had no place

It was just daddy, mommy and you to feed

I struggled and begged and loved you without greed

I went without anything and everything to get you what you needed

I tried to ask for help but, kindness wasn’t greeted

In my day, if we chose a path disliked



We had to learn the hard way

And we had to fight for what was right

So, to the outdoors we did stay

In a tent that very same day

I was sad I lost another baby in the belly during our stay

Finally, with nowhere else to go

It was off to Chicago to see my friend Jimbo



He was the only friend I had left to go

I was so happy someone would help me

I was on my way to see my family

It was that very day that ruined my life

I learned the very hard way

Those families will fight

That lies would be told

Ones that couldn’t be undone.



I was only 18 and you were my first born

I was young and naive and didn’t know what to do

All I did was fight and fight to keep you

There are so many mistakes and lessons I have learned

For you to be in my life I have always yearned

And now I sit here and you are seventeen

I pray to the Lord your life will move more positive than I had seen

I pray you get to finish school and go all the way

Then when you have lived life, you will have kids of your own some day

And I hope to the Lord that one day you will sit and see

That you are the same age as I was growing up too fast and being your mommy

I pray you will see that it for what it was



I was a young girl who hadn’t yet grown up

But, you my dear I will never regret

You were the first blessing I was given

My path was set

So, although much of your life I didn’t get to see

It was because I chose to fight for you to live life better than me

I fought to keep you for 7 long years

And then one day, sadly you became theirs

I made a choice as your mother

A choice no mother should have to face

Do I give you a chance at another one’s place?

It was no question at the time you see



I thought they were better for you than me

But, please my sweet girl always know

My love for you will always grow

I never tried to pretend to be a saint

But, I know their version of me in your mind they did taint

And that is what is sad and breaks my heart

Imagining your anger towards me

Rips me apart



But, you are seventeen

And one day you will see

I have always loved you

And you will always love me

For moms bonds are forever

As I have learned way to late

As my mother left me

Due to a terrible fate

You are always in my heart as is she

Remember I will always love you My Ashley Marie





Copyright© 4/4/2011 Susana M.C




This was us at 17. I couldn't even imagine you being pregnant at this age. I never regretted you for even a second though. I had never wanted a child or knew how much a mother could love a child until I had you. The moment you were in my arms it was love at first sight.

I cried and prayed for 2 weeks after you were born when they diagnosed you with double tracnheo esaphageal fistulas.
You had surgery at 5 days old.

I remember sneaking my sister into the sterile room with me just so she could hold you. It was a beautiful bonding moment.
I was so happy just to hold you and be able to breastfeed.
















































2011 Birthday Greeting very emotional for me this year
























May the Lord be with you and give you strength to differentiate the truths from the lies and the love from the hate.





You are officially an Adult! Yeah! I am so proud of you and all your good deeds. I enjoy hearing anything I can about how well you have been doing.






I thank the Lord that you are finally 18. I have waited many years for this moment. It doesn't matter to me how anyone else feels about me as long as I have my children and their understanding.

I know that your good memories have been tainted of us.
So, for your birthday, I am going to share as much of the good memories with you as I possibly can.

I remember when I was a little girl and I was growing up in a foster home. My foster mother never thought or said anything nice about my parents.
I had my brother and sister with me and we all always stuck together through everything.

But, more importantly, I grew up and I realized that my mom always loved me. She just was a young 17 year old kid when she gave birth to me. She tried to do all she could and I couldn't truly understand until I was much older.

I am grateful God blessed me with the chance to spend good time with her before she died. And that I had the chance to tell her I loved her and I was sorry for doubting her growing up.

My sweet Ashley, we all make mistakes. From the time we are babies until our dying day, we are not perfeCt beings.

But, when you can learn from your mistakes that is the greatest gift of all.

I assure you as a kid you feel like your parents are wrong or crazy and don't have a clue what they are talking about.

I don't know a kid yet that hasn't felt that same exact way.
But, my sweets, not everything is the way you probably imagined or were told for the majority of your childhood.

I hope to one day have the chance to tell you and show you the truths.
I believe that our past if left unresolved totally impacts our futures and how we view our lives and those of others. I know my life until I was faced with all my past was confusing. It impacted my innersbeing, my being a mother, a daughter, a sister and a wife.

I wish I had all the right words to say. I have dreamed of this for 9 years. But, I guess I can only tell you that you were the first most beautiful blessing I have ever had in my life. And You have change me in so many ways you may never know.













This is a video of you on a visit during Margarita's 4th birthday. I was pregnant with Christian. But, you were still so happy to see us and you still sang the, " I love you, you love me song." Baby Bop was your first favorite character and you were so adorable.







The following is a video of you from the time you were a baby through all of your siblings until Christian. You chose not to meet Gabriel. But, he still loves you just the same and asks all the time" Is this the year Ashley will find us?"




I have spent years helping other birthmothers trying to teach them all the laws and their rights that they need to never experience the heartache that I have. ~



This is a slideshow that starts wtih the mean letter that L.D. sent to your baby brother when he was six years old. The year that Abuelita died. He only wanted to send a Thanksgiving card. He asked and I said "ok but you have to fill it out. "


And he did. She folded it up and sent it back addressed to him. And all I could think was" Dear God, who did I trust my girls with?"

So, I am so sorry for any pain I have caused you. This slide also contains photos of you with your family before dcfs and during dcfs and you still always smiled.

You use to ask me everyday you saw me" Mommy, do you still dream of me everyday? I dream of you.' and my dear" Yes, even nine years later, I still dream of you everyday.

I am very proud of you  / Mommy Susana ReganCloutier (True Mom )
Dear Ashley and Mina Beans, 

You look great and look like you are enjoying life. 
That makes my heart happy. 

It is good to hear that you speak french and are proud of your father's heritage. I hear you are doing good. You both look so pretty and I couldn't be prouder.  And that is all a mommy could ever want is for her babies to be happy, safe and loved. 

Chris is now a crew member for the school play. Gabi is matstering his bowling skills and his first communion next spring. :) 
both started back in catechizm. Gabi should make his first

Just know you are both thought of with much fondness everyday. 
Remember to keep God in your heart always. 

He never forsakes us. 

All my love,  
Mommy

I have no words for what I have seen today  / Mommy Cloutier (YOUR MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT )
I spent my afternoon trying to figure out who would be so cruel to your brother? I mean I can understand when it is me, I am much more mature and can handle just about anything. But, your brother is your brother! He has always loved you and he has never ever stopped loving you. He has always been true to looking forward to seeing you and knowing you and loving you.

I have never denied him that it would be an opportunity. As a true Christian we must accept that others will be mean and evil and cruel. We are taught to truly put God first we must also follow his will and FORGIVE.

I will forgive everything and anything because life is too short. But, honestly, if what I read today came from his own flesh and blood then I have spent many years in vain hoping that everything will work out. I have spend years leaving greetings, posting pictures and comments for apparently nothing if this is the case.
Oh, how I pray to the Lord that Daddy is right and that someone else sent those horrible messages two days ago that came across me today.

But, even more so that the threats I read were lies! I will never believe my own flesh and blood would write such horrible lies much less threats.

I guess that is the true mother in me. But, here is what I will say, after I read these horrible sad emails, I was told a beautiful two year old baby boy died today.
This child was incredible. He came in the world struggling to survive and he treasured every last breath. He knew without a doubt he was loved.

And with that. I went about my day, realizing that no matter what has happened in life, I am blessed because God gave me four beautiful children! And they are all still here. While a  20 yr old mother is crying for her baby, I still have mine.

I will be grateful for that and I will pray that you will all one day realize how truly blessed you are. NO matter what happened in life you are at least around to live it.

And for anyone to tell someone otherwise, well, than that can only tell me what I believed all along.  Those adoptive parents are not very christian people at all.

And for that I will be ashamed. For I signed you away to these people believing they were good people.

But, I will hold my head up high because your brothers know they are loved and that I am always here. They don't have to second guess anything.

I will pray for both of you as I don't know who sent those horrible messages.

Love Mommy


A beautiful angel was gained in heave today. Adrian fought against all odds and inspired us every day with his incredible strength and love. Although his life ended so young, I will always hold his time close to my heart. For he was an angel from the moment he was born. God Bless you Prince Adrian. ♥♥♥We love you and will all miss you baby boy. ♥♥♥♥♥ Our thoughts and prayers to J'net, Jazzy and the family.

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY MINA BEANS  / MAMA Susana Regn (Real Mom )
I PRAY THIS IS A YEAR OF GOOD HEALTH, HAPPINESS, GREAT SCHOOLING AND YOU SMILE THAT MINA SMILES :) YOU HAVE TIA LINDA'S MILLION DOLLAR SMILE, USE IT. 

WE LOVE YOU AND THOUGHT OF YOU TODAY AS ALWAYS AS CHRIS BAKED YOUR CAKE. AND WE HAD OUR YEARLY REMEMBERANCE PARTY FOR YOU. I PRAY ONE DAY, WE GET TO WITH YOU. 

ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS AND PRAYERS AND YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO CALL IF YOU NEED ANYTHING 
LOVE MAMA▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
It's Daughters' Week! If you have a beautiful Daughter that you
☼ love more than you can describe, copy and paste this to your ☼
status for a little while but hold her in your Heart for a Lifetime!
▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬


HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY MINA BEANS
WE NEVER FORGET!
WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!
XOXOX










•. ¸ ♥ (¯` * •. ¸ ♥ ♥ ¸. • * '¯) ♥ ¸. • *' ¯) (¯ `* •. ¸ ♥ (¯* •. ¸ ♥ ♥ ¸. • * '¯) ♥ ¸. • *' ¯ ♥ We ♥ you Ashley and Mina Beans always(¯ `* •. ¸ ♥ (¯` * •. ¸ ♥ ♥ ¸. • * '¯) ♥ ¸. • *' ¯) (¯ `* •. ¸ ♥ (¯` * •. ¸ ♥ ♥ ¸ • * '¯) ♥ ¸. •



I am updating the site so, above are all the pics we had for your special day on the front of site. I love you and miss you Mina Beans. xoxox
Ashley and Mina love Deti Georgie  / Georgeann Regan (Great Aunt )
July 25 at 6:40pm 


Dear Ashley and Mina

I’m your aunt Georgeann from New York City. I am writing you because I feel your old enough now to know that your mother fought for over 7 years to get you back. In the course of that time your mother gave birth to your two Brothers Christian and Gabriel. Both of which I watched growing up and at no time I’ve never seen them physically or mentally abused from what I know. And To hear allegation’s that you two were abused as children I find it hard to believe. Hopefully some day through your mother you will be able to Come to New York and meet the rest of your family.

Love always your aunt 

Georgeann.R.Garcia
Happy Birthday Mina!!!!  / Cindi Dana Regans Mom (angel friend )
Happy birthday  / Margaret Ruiz (Third cousin )
Wishing you a wonderful birthday! The next few years, as anyone who knows teenagers, are challenging ones. The transition into young adulthood can be difficult but if you stay focused on being the best you can be and focused on leading and not being led, you will make it with few difficulties!
I know your birth family loves you and your sister very much! Whatever happened that brought you both to this place an time is the result of God's plan. Your heart has learned, I hope, to forgive and understand that each one of us carries burdens that are not easily lifted. Your family is full of life and love. Their burdens have, one by one, been lifted. I hope your heart is big enough to accept their love and, wth your sister, by your side, accept them into your lives.
By the way, I am a first cousin to your birth mother's mother, Margarita. My name is Margaret. My mother, now 82 years old, is your great-grandfather's sister.
Again, have a great and happy birthday! Capture all the memories of this day!
Dearest Mina, I had this dream of you last night  / Mommy Susana ReganCloutier (True Mom )
I dreamt that I was out with your brothers at a Theatre to see Harry Potter. I chased Gabi as always from his usual running around and I swore I saw you there. There was this weird waterfalls that reminded me of Niagra falls. And a gian Placasamus comes out to try and eat me and your brothers. 
We got away and I ran in the bathroom. There was my Mommy and you were besides her. You had glasses and make up. 
The only thing I asked you was if you were writing these mean things that were going on all your brothers pages?

And you told me"No mom it was my other mom who was mad at me and gave me a long talk about you not loving me." I told you in my dream that it wasn't true. I loved you very much. And I took a picture of you and my mom. My cell phone is always full because I have taken oodles of pics. So, I always have to delete to add. Regardless, I got to see you and my Mommy. I was happy this morning. When I dream of my mom I truly believe that the dreams are telling me something. 

So, my dear, watch out for the placasamus in the world. Don't let anyone tell you I don't love you because it is not true. I love you all so much. You were born early and I will never forget trying to climb out of bed and hitting the floor because of my epidural. I didn't know I couldn't walk at the time. I just wanted to see you and kiss you. 

There is a bond between moms and their children that never goes away. I am alway in your heart and in your dreams my sweet Mina Beans. 
BTW , we got to go to Florida for vacation. It was so overdue. I wish you could have been with me. I pray one day you could meet all the wonderful family I met. I hope I can one day take you all to Disney world together.

Always in my heart, thoughts, prayers and dreams. 
Mommy
Daddy is having surgery today March 10, 2011  / Susan M. Regan Cloutier (True Mom )
I am sorry I have been behind on the online journal pics. But, it is has been exhausting lately. Your dad had a colonoscopy yesterday. NO CANCER! YIPPEE!

But, he has diverticulosis. So, they are cutting into his colon today. Our family has a history of colon cancer on his side. That is important for you to know.
Well, know that I love you all and will rejoice in the day we meet again. Until then, I am posting all my greetings and guest book entries just for you.




Merry Christmas  / John Muns (None)
Ashley and Mina,

I am an online friend of your mothers and just wanted to say that since I have known her, there has not been one conversation in which she did not mention how much she loves you two or misses you.  This is the best Christmas gift that she can give you; a true memory of you.  She still shows you love, it is just for now that you cannot experience it; someday, you will.  Anyhow, she is such a wonderful and loveing person and she will always be there for the both of you, all you need to do is ask.

John
Missing you.....  / Andrea Cloutier (Paternal grandmother )

Hi dear girls,

     This is your Grandma Cloutier. I am you dad's mom. I just want you to know that  your Grampa Mark and I have missed you terribly. You were just little girls the last time we saw you....I keep a picture of you girls, on my table in the living room, so I can see you often.
     I wish things would have been different, and we could have been a part of your lives, as we were promised. But promises weren't kept....and we were shut out of your lives. But that never stopped us from loving you from a distance.
    I want you to know, Ashley and Mina, that there is a family waiting for you, and we want to love you up close, lol! Your mother (Susan) loves you as much as any mother I've seen! She has been so patient in waiting to someday see you, as your brothers, Christian and Gabriel have been patient as well. Christian has missed you SO much..... And your dad....no matter what you may have been told, is a GOOD man, who loves you dearly. He is almost done with college, and will have a computer technology job soon!....

 I often think that you girls must be very smart, too, as both your mother(susan) and your dad (Jamie) are smart, as are your brothers Chris and Gabi.

    I have to tell you, Mina, how much a Cloutier you are, as you look just like Grampa Mark, and his sister Sarah, especially when she was small. You are a spitting image of her! :)  And Ashley, sweetheart, you were a happy, happy little girl, who like to sing! 
I will never forget your beautiful smile....
    I guess I want you both to know how much you are loved. I also want you to know that you can contact me any time you want. I can tell you anything you want to know. I will always be truthful.....

                            Loving you always, our sweet girls,

                             Grandma Cloutier

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY ASHLEY CLOUTIER WE LOVE YOU  / Susana M. C. (True Mommy )
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY ASHLEY! WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TODAY AND FOR ALWAYS.



Welcome to Ashley Marie and Mina Tonia Mykela's website.



Happy 17th Birthday Ashely !
Feliz Cumpleanos! 




We love you and miss you!
Love Mommy Chris and Gabi and Daddy 
















Susana Regan
Happy Almost Birthday Ashley! Wow! 17 already. Time flew but, my heart felt like it stopped. I miss you and love you soo soo much. I pray they give you a nice birthday and truly treat you like a princess.
Mommy never forgets, 2:05 am September 26, 1993.
That was the day, my world was truly blessed and changed forever. That was also my first major asthma attack and oxygen treatment. I will never forget the day you were born my princess. I love you and treasure you always and forever. Good luck this last year as a girl soon to be a woman. May you have many years of love,happiness, peace and enjoy every moment life has to bring.
I know I am a sentimentalist and all but, if you never want to see me I pray you and Mina will want to see your baby brothers. They have suffered the loss of you two over the years a lot. They miss you and ask every year if this is the year you will find them?
I guess, I am at a point in life where I want to make sure you will one day know that no matter what life brings, I loved you and we all loved and prayed and thought of every precious moment we were missing.
Be happy love always and dance like their is no tomorrow.
Always in my heart, thoughts and prayers
Mami Susana ReganCloutier
True Mother


Posted Sep 25 2010 11:36 PM



Read more: http://www.myspace.com/birthmothersofillinois/comments#ixzz10cCDx4LO
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!  / Mommy Cloutier (mommy)
It was a lovely day today. It was quite hot though. We went to our annual parade and took our dog Rex.Chris and Gabi got lots of Candy and it was fun.

The only part missing was the two of you.
I pray you are happy and having fun.
Always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers,
Mommy
xoxoxox
FELIZ NAVIDAD MIJAS! 2009  / Mommy Cloutier (mommy)
This year we spent xmas going to take my grandma Maximina to her sister Rosario's house. Then she met her great nieces and great nephews. She went to cousin Louie's and got to talk to my brother. 

She ate good, talked well and was happy. It was like her not ever being sick. It has been a blessed xmas. 

Chris and Gabi got a good amount of presents from a Santa Angel. 
We donated over 100 non perishables to the hungry. 

We thought of you all Christmas. You are always in our hearts and thoughts and prayers. 

I never forget my baby girls. I love you and soo pray you have some wonderful Christmases even if it's without us. 

My heart aches for you as I feel an emptiness without you in my life.

Please know that I will never regret making an unselfish descision. I tried so hard to make the right one. And although painful, I fully thought of all of you as I made it. 

I pray everyday, that you will find us and I can hug you again. I miss huggin both of you. 

FELIZ NAVIDAD MY BABY GIRLS! 

Love Mommy 

Happy Birthday  / Jamie Cloutier (Father)
Happy Birthday Ashley. One day you may see this, so just remember that I think of you and your sister every day. Miss you both, and I hope your birthday was awesome. :)
Updates 2009 taken from the front of site  / Susana Regan_Cloutier (True Mommy )
Updates 2009

On, February, 27, 2009 the two year order of protection was vacated by the courts.

I was so glad that I kept my promise to our attnorney.
I assured him, that no matter what I would be there.
This was to sadly, be our last conversation.

He passed away suddenly on January 15th, 2009.
I am happy to have known him as
the man who truly "made pigs fly" in his office.
He was truly an incredible person and made me laugh
at the worst of times.

I don't know why the adoptive ones chose to blow off court.
I know that James and I were both there.
We came, we saw, we finally won.

I have learned to seriously cover
myself and watch what is typed online.
So, yes, in all of this lessons were learned.

We have no desire to cause any havoc in the lives of our beautiful girls. We have the patience to wait until their 18th birthdays.

We are perfectly content leaving greetings everyday for them here.

We are content knowing that as they grow up, it is James and I
whom they resemble and whose personalities they posess.

It is our blood that runs through their veins.
It is our love that created them and my body that carried them.

So, no matter what these people say or do,
they can't change those facts ever.

Not to mention, these years are going by fast all of a sudden.
In due time, these girls will have reached womanhood.
Then what will you say?

As for now we have our family at home to care for.
We don't have anymore precious time to waste on court dates for something so petty as making a celebration of life site.

So, before these people try to pull another court stunt, that is what we have to say about it.


It is with great sadness that I post our Chico met with my mom in heaven. He met her over the rainbow bridge on May, 14, 2009. His 19th birthday on February 25, 2009 was sadly to be his last. I can at least rest my mind, knowing I gave him five more blessed years of love after my mom passed away.





http://chicocasillo.pets-memories.com

I can't leave greetings  / MOMMY CLOUTIER (MOM)
So, I am leaving a hello here today. I love you. Your brother went canoing today with scouts. I hope he has fun. miss you xoxoxo
Mommy
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